Movies & TV Shows

10 Hilarious Damon Quotes That Prove He Is The Funniest Character

Even though The Vampire Diaries aired its final episode more than five years ago, its fandom continues to grow and rumors about a fourth spin-off continue to circulate. The first installment of the franchise owes a big part of its success to how likable and well-written its characters were, especially Damon Salvatore.


All the supernatural drama and love triangles, would not have been nearly as entertaining without Damon’s input as his snarky remarks and sarcastic replies were the funniest thing about the show. He was always providing some much-needed comic relief with his accurate nicknames and sarcastic sense of humor and there are several quotes that make it clear as day that he was the funniest character in The Vampire Diaries.

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10/10 “You Do Realise You Are Dating A Reformed Serial Killer, Right?”

Season 5, Episode 2 — “True Lies”

Part of what made Damon such an interesting character was that he never pretended to be something he wasn’t, and he was very self-aware when it came to his flaws. His jokes are usually poking light fun at other people, especially the ones he loves most, but he’s not afraid to make jokes at his own expense too.

RELATED: 10 Quotes That Perfectly Sum Up Elena As A Character In The Vampire Diaries

So when Elena asked him to stop suggesting various forms of torture to deal with her college professor, he quickly reminded her of his past and described himself as a “reformed serial killer” which was ironic, to say the least.

9/10 “When I Kill Someone, They’re Supposed To Stay Dead!”

Season 3, Episode 7 — “Ghost World”

One of the most recurring tropes in The Vampire Diaries franchise is characters miraculously coming back to life or revisiting Mystic Falls as ghosts. And considering that Damon is among the characters with the highest kill count in The Vampire Diaries it’s fair to say that he wouldn’t be too happy if people started to come back from the dead.

This line came after the ghost of Mason Lockwood – one of his many victims – came back for revenge and Damon’s reaction was priceless. Fans couldn’t help but laugh as he vented his frustration to Bonnie and Caroline.

8/10 “What’s So Special About This Bella Girl? Edward’s So Whipped!”

Season 1, Episode 4 — “Family Ties”

Despite the many similarities between The Vampire Diaries and Twilight, the two franchises give a very different take on the supernatural world, especially when it comes to vampires. In this episode, Damon was idly reading the first Twilight book while waiting for Caroline to get ready, and he couldn’t help voicing his opinion on the other vampire’s behavior.

This quote is hilarious not only because of the sheer irony of a vampire criticizing a book about vampires but also because the same statement would apply perfectly to Damon’s affection for Elena in later seasons.

7/10 “Dear Diary, A Chipmunk Asked My Name Today. I Told Him It Was Joe. That Lie Will Haunt Me Forever.”

Season 3, Episode 16 — “1912”

The Salvatore brothers disagreed on many things over the course of the show as they had very different personalities. Stefan’s brooding nature and unusual vampire diet provided an abundance of things to poke fun at, and Damon loved teasing his brother about his insistence on only feeding on animal blood instead of human.

In this episode, Damon finds Stefan in deep thought as he was struggling to put his thoughts on paper. So Damon was quick to jump in and give a melodramatic guess of what was going on in Stefan’s mind.

6/10 “Most People Would Take That As A Hint.”

Season 1, Episode 19 — “Miss Mystic Falls”

Damon delivers this line after John says to him, “You haven’t returned any of my calls.” John Gilbert was hardly anyone’s favorite side character as his presence usually meant trouble for everyone else. However, there were many occasions that found the Salvatores and John as unlikely allies, as they joined forces in their common cause to protect Elena. But that didn’t mean they had to be nice to each other by any means.

When John confronted him about ignoring his phone calls, Damon was quick to make clear how unwilling he was to cooperate with him. Sometimes the funniest jokes are just blatantly telling the truth.

5/10 “Hey Stef, Remember When You Killed Dad?”

Season 3, Episode 13 — “Bringing Out The Dead”

Almost every character of The Vampire Diaries has done terrible things over the course of the show so no one is in the place to judge anyone. So when the Mikaelsons and the Salvatores got together to negotiate a deal, it was hardly the right time to compare terrible deeds and contemplate which one of them has moral superiority.

RELATED: 16 Things Everyone Gets Wrong About The Mikaelson Siblings

When Stefan made a comment about Klaus murdering his own mother, Damon was quick to jump in and casually remind him that he had done the same thing when he killed their father, and his nonchalant tone was hilarious.

4/10 “You’re Dead, Dude. Get Over It.”

Season 1, Episode 4 — “Family Ties”

Dressed in a suit and standing outdoors, Damon Salvatore stares off

Damon is well known for his sarcasm and humor as he’s continually delivering the funniest lines as well as some totally meme-worthy quotes. Unlike his brother Stefan, Damon was more content with being a vampire, and he enjoyed his immortality. This was especially clear in the first season as Damon was vicariously enjoying all the perks that come with being a vampire without feeling remorse while Stefan was trying his best to live as close to a human life as possible.

On one occasion, Stefan mentioned that he wanted to go back to living his life, but Damon didn’t hesitate to remind him that technically he’s already dead in a hilarious exchange.

3/10 “Tried To Kill A Werewolf. Failed. Now I Feel Like I’m Not Living Up To My Best Self.”

Season 2, Episode 4 — “Memory Lane”

When the Salvatores discovered the existence of werewolves they were hesitant to welcome them into town. But once they learned that their bite was lethal to vampires, the Lockwoods officially became a problem.

Damon always prides himself on being able to get things done because unlike the rest of the Mystic Falls gang, he was not afraid to play the bad guy. Whenever there was something less than moral that had to be done, Damon was always the first to step up to the task. So when he failed at killing Mason Lockwood he was very disappointed in himself, as this hilarious line conveys.

2/10 “If I Hear The Word Doppelganger One More Time, I Think I’m Actually Gonna Have To Learn How To Spell It.”

Season 5, Episode 1 — “I Know What You Did Last Summer”

The Vampire Dairies was well known for introducing the concept of doppelgangers in a very compelling way as they soon became an integral part of multiple story arcs. While Elena and Katherine were the first doppelgangers on the show, they were certainly not the last as there were many more to come.

RELATED: 10 Most Underwhelming Plots On The Vampire Diaries

Other than the Petrova line, the fifth season introduced a second doppelganger line when Silas finally revealed his true face as Stefan’s double. Having several people in his life that look completely the same was probably very confusing and Damon couldn’t help expressing his frustration over it in the most hilarious way possible.

1/10 “There’s No Such Thing As Bad Ideas, Only Poorly Executed Awesome Ones.”

Season 2, Episode 15 — “The Dinner Party”

When Elijah came to Mystic Falls, he faced a lot of mistrust from its supernatural residents who quickly found a way to get rid of him. Damon devised an elaborate and quite risky plan to trick and dagger the original but Alaric was more skeptical as he kept urging him to not go through with it.

Even though Damon was usually the most sufficient when it came to facing off with enemies and getting things done, his plans weren’t always perfect. There were several times when he messed up or made the wrong decision that made the situation worse, but he never failed to defend his plan devising skills with a quick-witted one-liner that proves he is TVD‘s funniest character.

NEXT: Which The Vampire Diaries Episode Should You Watch, Based On Your Zodiac?

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